Stab my back;; cause it’s better if I bleed for you.:

“Here in this carload, I am Hinda; Tell him that I…”

- Dan Pagis

This poem really appeals to me. Somewhat. This appropriation of it is all I remember. The full verse is too biblical in a sense that I see myself as an agnostic which is ironic cause I sometimes believe in God.

I think I’m depressed; that’s the honest down to Earth truth. Today, I just wanted to die. No, this isn’t some crap shit SOB story. It’s about me, a vicious son of a b*tch who wanted to die.

Not surprising actually, in truth.

I also have weird rages where I want to kill someone. Someone who has caused me a great injustice or hurt me so damn bad. My eyes smart from crying and fatigue; people ask, have I gone swimming? Why? Cause I have dark marks under my eyes that look like damn goggles.

So go figure.

And don’t you fucking dare come up to me and say shit about how my life isn’t as bad as some African’s kid’s or your own SOB story in comparison.

Cause in case you hadn’t figured it out; I really don’t give a shit about you. Well, not at that point in time.

I’m rather selfish like that.

But you can deal with it.

Moving on; I’ve always wondered; how would people react if I died?

And I wrote a will that began with; Please play ‘Believe by the All American Rejects” at my funeral.

And I entrust… yadda yadda ectera.

Anyways; I’m going to go finish watching Dragon Wars.

It’s not like anyone reads this anyways so.

~ by delaglace on March 21, 2009.