It’s been quite the while since I last posted and in high contrast to the hightail happines, my mood of today is melacholy and woe. Maybe that’s too far; I thought it hit the deep end long ago but I guess that’s the tip of iceberg for you. Basically, I think it’s more hormones or my mentality that requires modification. Remember that boy I was talking about? He confuses me. The world confuses me. Ok ok, so you got it right?
I’M EFFING CONFUSED.
Anywho. So, I assume you’d like to know the tale behind this pathetic heap of lard? So I thought Mr M was quite the most wonderful guy; so passive, so nice, so understanding. And just so cute. Yes I’m shallow, screw you. So yesterday, msn’ing as usual, I ask the most innocent and complex of questions; so, anything new?
And his anwer?
Not particularly. I think I’ve fallen in love with a girl in my class.
Oh that’s wonderful. I guess I should be honoured you trust me with your feelings. I guess my own were never taken into account. So what else can I do but congratulate to you on your newfound joy in life? Oh sweet. Oh the wonders of life. CONGRATULATIONS YOU…
Moving on. So he then goes, it’s just a kiddie crush. Crush? Love? What is this? A simlar differentiation? As far as I’m concerned, they are basically the same though one has definitely a stronger hint of lust than the other. And you go, no. Correct me then why don’t you?
Then you, sorry I mean he, goes; I’m not that interested in her. Or something of that sort. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? If this is some lame excuse of a pathetic attempt to make me jealous, you have failed oh so badly. I’m probably the most jealous and literal person you will ever meet; one that thinks too much for her own good and ponders, and ponders, and ponders! Until all is undone to the negative. So congratulations boy, you just made me one upset cookie; who comfort eats. Now I’m gonna be some ugly obese depressed son of a ….
Not only that, boy, you go on to explain how much of a dick you used to be. I’VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE. Do you think your the worst case scenario I’ve faced? You must have some kind of screwed up past to think that. Cause if I still believed that you were a dick and whatever shit, why would I say I like you FOR YOU? And I hate repeating my effing self! THE PAST IS THE PAST. Can’t you get that through your head?? Or maybe you’re hinting we’re not compatible? Is that it? Cause there’s no need to beat around the bush;; just say it to my face! Better hurting now than later right, boy?
You have hurt me without even realising it. I’m upset that you should think that’d I’d still be the one to think you like what you were. I look to you as what you are now. WHY CAN’T YOU EFFING GET THAT? Honestly, dear God. Plus the effing swimming carnival was cancelled again, apparently the 3rd year in a row. So I broke a coat hanger in my folly. And I feel like I’ve broken myself. And eaten way too much for comfort.
Someone just be MY number one with a bullet? Please?
Sometimes I try way too hard to keep on living. It takes effort you know? Anyways, I talked to some people today regarding his behavior. I heard that he only ever went out with sluts and whores For only a week or so. And apparently he didn’t want to hurt me. HURT ME? Damn you, you already did.
Oh and, I conclude with.
If he wants me to think of him as what he WAS then I might just do as such;; only one person is allowed to wallow in self pity and THATS ME.
I shall now go and reconnect with some old P.L.C school friends whom I haven’t talked to for 5 years on Facebook.
And abandon my facebook boycott.
(:
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